Are you finding yourself blaming someone else as the cause of your problems or as the cause of your emotional upset?
How different would it feel if you knew that other person was actually delivering to you a wonderful opportunity for spiritual growth?
No one can make you feel anything. What they can do is act as a trigger to bring existing feelings out in you. Could that be a good thing?
Here is an example. Suppose you were the least popular child in school and felt – and maybe actually were – rejected by all the other kids. You felt unwanted. The feeling was too painful to be felt, so you shoved it down and pretended that you were ok. Maybe in your home life, you realized that your brothers and sisters got more attention than you did (maybe because they had learning disabilities, but you didn’t know that.) You felt unwanted at home as well as at school. Later in life, the feeling of being unwanted might have come up again with a romantic rejection, but you shoved it down ruthlessly. The feeling of being unwanted was still too hard to handle. Maybe you didn’t get the job you hoped for, and the feelings of being unwanted reared up again.
Life went on, and as life always seems to, found ways to trigger out that feeling in you again. Or maybe you unconsciously found ways to set up a situation so that you could feel unwanted, in an (again, unconscious) attempt to bring up and resolve those stuffed-down feelings.
However, if you still can’t deal with the feelings, this all seems pointless at best and extremely hurtful at worst. If the old feelings weren’t so painful, you would have already dealt with them. Yet here they are again – and it’s easy to blame a person or situation for those feelings.
Most of us see a person whose actions seem to stir up those old feelings as the enemy. After all, aren’t you feeling bad from these feelings? And didn’t their actions bring up those feelings in you?
It’s neither helpful nor accurate to see things that way. You end up blaming the other person, when in reality, they jus gave you a gift – the opportunity to finally heal those old feelings.